Dear Wife: Take Care of you too!

We take on the world. We give, we love and we sacrifice only to wake up and do it all over again. We love our husbands hard. We love our children hard. We offer everything but the breath in our bodies to make sure they are comfortable, satisfied and happy.

Some wives say they do just fine with this routine of life. In fact, some believe we are to get married and have children to make life about them and never ourselves. But after working with thousands of wives over the past 4 years, I believe it is safe to say the majority of us desire to keep our families happy but, we also desire to have time for ourselves.

The trouble with this desire is that most wives believe they have no time, no energy, no support and no options. They feel it is impossible to do anything for themselves without neglecting home. They often feel that caring for themselves makes them selfish causing them to suffer from “mommy guilt” and “wife guilt.” The routine of life, marriage and motherhood is sucking them dry and they find it easier to exist only behind the title of “Mommy” and “Mrs.” because it is safest there. Many have literally lost the woman inside the wife.

But let me ask you this wives…what if there was a solution?

What if you were given tips, tools and resources that freed up your time to actually allow you to love on YOU? What if it WAS possible for you to have “me time” without neglecting your husband or children? Would you say yes to that opportunity or would you allow fear of the unknown to stop you? For those of you who would say yes, the simple solutions are right here in this blog. If you know in your heart that you really need to take better care of yourself, you don’t have to figure it out on your own.  If you are serious about making positive changes to ease your stress level, I am here as a fellow wife ready and willing to help you do so. So without prolonging this any further, here are 5 simple self-care solutions for you wives.

1. Fight Your Fear.

I’ve heard many women talk about being fearful to take care of themselves for fear of neglecting their families in the process. Some even feel taking $1 dollar to get a refreshing drink is too much because they ponder, “What if my child wanted a treat?” The wife and mommy guilt are real because we as women love our men and our babies SO hard and our desire is to never allow them to go without. But answer me this ladies…do you bathe, brush your teeth and sleep? Are there moments where your husband and children are NOT with you?

Do you feel you are neglecting them in those moments or do you understand that there are just some things you must get done without them? Or what about this…if you are a stay-at-home mom and your children are with you every moment, don’t you still get things done by multitasking? Are there not moments where you look away and take care of business that must be completed so that your house functions properly?  Do you not find creative ways to care for your children AND be a responsible adult?

Think about it. Life still moves along and you still find ways to accomplish things while still wearing the hat of wife and mother. In spite of this, most wives have still refused to be creative in

the area of self-care. You have allowed the fear of the “what if” to paralyze you and cause you to neglect yourself. Well it is time to fight those fears ladies.

Take a moment and write down two fears you have that keep you from taking care of yourself like you want to. Next, I want you to validate those fears, determine whether or not those fears are actually true.

Here is an example:

Fear-I am afraid that taking time for me is taking time away that I should be spending with my husband and children.

Validation-This fear isn’t valid because I take the children out for several fun activities on the weekend and I attend all their extra-curricular functions. It may be valid with my husband because we don’t do much right now together alone, so to eliminate this fear, I will pick two nights a week to initiate sex and one night each week to stay up a little longer to watch tv with him.

Now it is your turn:

Fear-

Validation-

Fear-

Validation-

Taking time to really examine your fears and come up with solutions to eliminate them empowers you to be more confident about taking time for yourself. Speaking of finding time, the next simple solution is…make time. Let’s get started, shall we?

2. Make Time.

I know. You are probably thinking, “I can’t pull time out of my behind soooo…how can I make time?” So glad you asked! You can accomplish making time by simply doing a time audit. A time audit is where you take a look at how you spend a 24-hour period, hour by hour, to see where your open or wasted time is. Sometimes wives do this audit and say, “I still have NO time!” Ok…what I ask them next has NEVER failed to open up time they never knew was there. I asked those wives the following questions and I would like you to answer them also:

• How much time do you spend on Facebook, Instagram or other social media sites per day?
• How much time do you watch television?
• Are there 15 minutes before you wake up or before bed you could utilize?
• If you work outside the home, how much time does it take you to you commute to and from work?
• If you work outside the home, how much time are you allowed for lunch? Are you given 15 minutes breaks? Do you take them?
• If you work from home, how much time does it take you to travel to and from the grocery store or to run other regular errands?
• If you work from home, how much time do you have while your children are at school or napping?

Now ladies, once you do your time audit and answer the aforementioned questions, tell me how much extra time did you find? It doesn’t matter if it is 15-30 minutes spread throughout the day…that is still time.

Do you know what you can do with an extra 15 minutes? You can meditate, pray, workout, stretch, read, walk…the options are endless! You just have to be intentional.

Now I know…somebody somewhere is going to say I still can’t do it, but I challenge you to be the superwoman you already are in this area just as you are for your family. If you must multi-task do it! While you bathe your babies, you could have an audio book playing to listen to. While waiting for football practice to finish you could be walking the track. While you cook or clean the house you could be listening to a podcast about self-love and improvement. YOU. CAN. DO. IT.

Still need some convincing? Connect with other wives and mothers for play dates and baby-sitting. Work as a team. Fight the faulty beliefs that you are bothering people or no one will help because they need a break too! Even if it is for an hour, get yourself out there, meet your children’s friends and parents and make time for YOU!  Now let’s discus how you can reallocate the time you magically found!

3. Reallocate.

Now that you have made time, it is time to reallocate it for your “me time.” In the space provided below, write down 3 things you would enjoy doing for yourself that you can accomplish within 15-30 minutes.

1. ______________________
2. ______________________
3. ______________________

Next, plug those three things into the open slots you have found through your day. See! Not only have you made time, but you now have “me time” on the books! You’re rocking now!

Now if you are already thinking, “This is too much already!” just write down one thing you can do EACH MONTH to get started. I want to make sure you succeed at this so scale back if you need to start smaller. Ok next let’s set a date for your “me time!”

4. Set a Date…and a Backup.

Before we get ahead of ourselves, doing something new, especially for personal satisfaction, isn’t an easy change to make if we are honest. So let’s set a date that you will start implementing your “me time” so you are setting yourself up for success and not failure. In the space below, write down the days and times you plan to start your “me time” schedule. For example, “I will start walking on my lunch break for 15 minutes starting September 15^th at noon on Mondays and Wednesdays.” Now it’s your turn:

“Me Time” activity: __________________________________

Date: ___________________________

Time: ________________________

Duration: _________________________

“Me Time” activity: __________________________________

Date: ___________________________

Time: ________________________

Duration: _________________________

“Me Time” activity: __________________________________

Date: ___________________________

Time: ________________________

Duration: _________________________

Awesome! Next I want you to look at your calendar and come up with a back-up plan…yes a back-up plan! If something gets in the way of this plan, your back-up plan says you will do it on alternate days or at a later time. It is important to make your self-care priority ladies.

Now if you were one who only wanted to start with one activity per month you MUST set that date and keep it every month! So write down the date you will start here: _______________________.

Ladies you are doing such a great job. If you are still with me, I know you are serious about this thing! Let’s keep it going and discuss how you can stay accountable to your new plans for self-care.

5. Get Accountability.

Getting started and staying with it can be difficult. It is easy to fall back into your old negative thinking habits and behaviors. This is why it is imperative that you solicit accountability as you embark on this new journey. Accountability can come in many forms. For example, your husband can be a great accountability partner if he is supportive of your new self-care goals and hopefully he is.

9 times out of 10, husbands already have something they do for themselves whether it is 30 minutes in their personal “man cave” after work or going to the gym 4-5 times a week to stay in shape. They typically get their time in! So if you think your husband will be on board, allow him the opportunity to hold you accountable…heck you can hold each other accountable for starting and keeping healthy self-care habits.

I know. There are many wives who will say, “My husband is not too thrilled that I am changing it up so no…I’m not asking him!” and that’s fine. The next best choice is another wife on the same journey. Teaming up with another wife to stay accountable is perfect because they understand your struggles and experiences. So take a moment and think of another wife you can:

1. Share this blog with for encouragement and
2. Team up with to start this new journey of self-care with.

If you are at a point in your life where you don’t really have other wives in your corner that you can depend on for support or you are a person that needs more structured accountability, my program Overflowing Wife would be a perfect fit. I’ll talk more about that in a sec.

At the end of the day…

Whew! You see? That wasn’t bad at all. Simple right? At the end of the day, you have to know that you are worthy of love, you are valuable and worth being cared for. Yes, our husbands and our children mean the world to us, but we can’t give them our best if we don’t make time to love on ourselves and take care of ourselves.

We want to be examples to our children that self-love and self-care are important…especially if we want them to be the best they can be. We want to be vibrate and energetic for our husbands when it’s time for fun and intimacy. We must take time away to replenish so we are ready to enjoy them and put it on them (yall know what I mean, lol)! At our best, we are better for them. Don’t just read this blog, instead use these 5 simple solutions to really start caring for YOU. You are worth it!

Do you need support on this journey of self-care, rejuvenation and finding YOU again? If you have trouble really embracing your value and worth you are not alone. If you have trouble staying committed to self-care and self-improvement but you desire to be consistent and successful at it, I’m here to ensure you are.

My 31-day Overflowing Wife program will help keep you accountable AND motivated to start making yourself a priority again. If you know you have lost yourself personal identity as a woman in your marriage, if you desire to find balance between “me time” and family time” and need help doing so this program is for you! If you are ready to go on the journey of creating and having a balanced life as a woman, the Overflowing Wife program is for you. The time is now and I am right here ready to walk with you every step of the way.

Check out what one overflowing wife has to say about this program below:

To learn more about this exclusive program (limited space available) and to register before doors close (Sunday 9/10/17) go here:  The Overflowing Wife 31-Day Program

What are your thoughts? Did I miss anything? Share your comments below.