What Are You Feeding Your Mind?
In life, whatever you fill yourself with is what will come out. No matter if something is the truth or a lie, if you meditate on it long enough it will become your reality; your mindset. When tough times in a marriage arise where one person is motivated to work things out and the other isn’t, life can get complicated and confusing very quickly…if you allow it. A person can go from being motivated to love, to questioning their reasons for staying.
Did I Make a Mistake?
At one point in my marriage, I was that spouse who almost got to a point where I saw my stand as pointless. I started doubting that I had made the correct decision to fight for my marriage in its darkest hour. In my moment of confusion, I decided my marriage was important enough to include God in my final decision. I knew God had a greater perspective than I did and I decided to follow His lead instead. Let’s just say that I am so glad I did.
In this post, I will share with you 9 truths I had to embrace to stand for my marriage with a spiritual perspective. I also added statements of faith with each truth for you to speak over yourself as a bonus gift for you. So let’s jump in.
1. You Must Stand On God’s Word For Your Marriage
The foundation of a spiritual perspective is the rhema (current and directly spoken to you) word of God. Has God put it on your heart to stand for your marriage? Despite your hurt and pain, has He confirmed in your heart that He will lead and guide you on this journey of restoration? If you cannot answer these questions, go to the Source. Once you have peace in your heart that you are to stand firm for your marriage, you can maintain your focus and have God’s word to hold on to.
Statement of Faith
“God You called me to stand for my marriage. You have placed it on my heart to love my spouse past their inadequacies. You have assured me that this process is not just for them, but for me to receive healing, to be strengthened, to grow and to be more spiritually discerning. Transform us into what You created us to be.”
2. My Spouse Is Lost…Not A Loser
When we are at our worst, God doesn’t look at us as losers, jerks or failures. When we make bad choices, He is counting the times until we DO get it right and waiting to rejoice with us when we get there. He believes the best even when we fail Him over and over again. The Bible says that it is the grace and goodness of God that leads to repentance; not condemnation. Am I saying you should ignore the behaviors of your spouse? No. What I am saying is if you are going to stand for your marriage you must learn to pray for the soul of your spouse to be healed and for them to be reconciled back to Christ, not hold on to bitterness, hurt and resentment against them.
Statement of Faith
“Lord thank you for giving me eyes to see my spouse as You see them. I see they are in desperate need of You. I thank You for the revelation of love You have for me and that I can in-turn show that love to my spouse in this season of our marriage. In the moments they shut down, reveal their heart to me. In the moments they get frustrated, show me the deeper things they are dealing with. Teach me how not to take things personal and what words to say when I must hold them accountable. Thank you Lord for your leading, your wisdom and your love.”
3. We Both Need Healing
If you think your spouse is the only one that needs to be healed, delivered and set free…think again. There is always going to be fault on both sides, even if your fault is premature selection of your spouse or your inability to properly teach them how to treat you.
“Music to my Ears”
I know these words may sound harsh, but instead accept them as music to your ears that can awaken you to the bigger picture. Once you are able to accept responsibility for your part, God will open your eyes to not only their deeper issues, but yours as well. Having this greater level of wisdom will also help you develop more grace as you pray and believe for your spouse and the condition of your marriage.
Statement of Faith
I will seek first the Kingdom of God and right standing with Him and know that everything else that I need will be added to me as I follow His Word for my life. So instead of worrying, walking in fear or trying to figure out the issues of life on my own, I will go to God first for direction and guidance so I don’t miss His lessons in the challenges of life. I choose to seek God to grow through times of trouble instead of avoiding the pain and staying the same. I will seek the Lord to tear down what is not like Him and make me over again through His grace. I trust His transforming power in my life.
4. God Can Do The Impossible
Are you putting limitations on God as you stand for your marriage? Are you analyzing every individual occurrence and deciding what God can do and what He cannot? We religiously quote the scripture “God can do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us”…so which is it?
“So what do you believe?”
Are you going to believe what you speak, that God literally can do anything and turn any situation around? Are you going to trust until the very end of a thing that God will work through you if you are a willing vessel? If your answer is “no” to these questions and you want to stand for your marriage, you must seek God for His perspective and for Him to increase your faith level.
Without seeking to grow in faith in this area, anything can persuade you to stop believing. Yes, at the end of the day, your spouse will have to yield to the work and healing God wants to bring in their life and in your marriage, but if your faith is consistently shaky, God cannot use you as an example of His healing and restoration power. Sometimes we are the only example of God they will have.
Statement of Faith
“I know God is able to do exceedingly above all I could ever ask or think. Because I know this, I trust that no matter how bad things get, if He told me to stand I will run and not grow weary, walk and not faint. No matter what happens or what changes I experience in my life, God will STILL blow my mind with the future plans He has for me. He is working everything out for me.”
5. Your Life Is In God’s Hands
Many struggle with thinking they need to try and control the decision their spouse makes regarding whether they will stand or leave. They often use fear, worry, anxiety, panic attacks and lashing out in hopes that their spouse will be convinced to stay after they witness the negative effects their reluctance is having on the marriage. This type of thinking will result in your spouse moving further away from you instead of towards you.
“It’s All Good”
It is only when you believe that God is working everything out for your good that you can rest. There is freedom in the knowledge that whether your spouse stays or goes, you will be ok because you did all to stand. There is freedom in knowing that God used you to shine light into darkness and to plant seeds that no man to pluck up in the heart of your spouse. Once you are willing to put on this perspective, you can approach each day with great expectancy and trust in God’s promises for your life.
Statement of Faith
“No matter what happens, Lord I trust You with my life. Right now I am trusting You for the restoration and healing of my marriage. I lift up myself, my spouse and our family in prayer. I will not worry or be anxious for a quick outcome because I want Your will to be done and Your work to be complete. Even if my spouse decides to walk away, I know You are faithful Lord. I know You will take care of me Lord. It won’t be the end of my story. I know You will still have greatness in store for me.
6. God Loves You
Do you struggle with thoughts that you are not loved or cared for? Do you sink in and out of depression because your spouse cannot give you the love you desire right now? If you answered “yes” to these questions, your stand for your marriage is eventually going to become toxic and unhealthy causing you more harm than good. Because this type of thinking can be so damaging, it is imperative that you receive and accept God’s love for you.
You must be convinced that God’s love for you is bigger and more impactful on your life than the love of anyone else. When your mind shifts to this perspective, it makes it easier for you to see your spouse through the lenses of love. It is when you take on this mindset, that you can grow in love with God and in confidence that rejection is something that can only harm you if you accept it.
Statement of Faith
I am loved completely and filled completely by God. Even if everyone near and dear to me goes their separate ways, Lord I know Your love is forever and will always remain the same. Never will I believe the lie that no one loves me because Lord You do. Thank You for Your faithfulness. I am accepted and not rejected. No one’s voice speaks louder than the voice of God in my life. No one has a greater influence over my mind, will and emotions than the Holy Spirit of God.
7. You Are The Vessel of God
I remember at one point in my stand struggling with feeling the whole situation was unfair. I recall thinking for a moment, “why isn’t he standing for me?” Quickly, I had to bring my thoughts back in line and so will you if you find yourself dealing with these same emotions. You see, I had to refocus and remember God chose to use me to bring love and healing to my husband (David). He chose to use me as His mouth piece and example of peace. Because of deep seeded issues, David couldn’t give love or even receive a Word from God for his life. But God was able to look at me and see strength and potential. He found me worthy to assist Him with the work He wanted to do in my husband. Instead of thinking why me, I started saying use me because I was finally able to clearly see God’s plan.
Statement of Faith
Thank you Lord for using me to bring healing and love to my spouse. This is a spiritual battle not a personal attack against me. The word of God says that we war not against flesh and blood, but against spiritual enemies and attacks. Because I believe this to be so and I know Lord You spoke to me concerning my marriage, I will stand and pray for my spouse. Show me Lord how to pray, what to pray and what to say. Teach me how to extend grace and mercy to my spouse just as You have done for me so many times in my life. Continue to use me Lord.
8. The Greatest Of These Is Love
Are you standing for your marriage just because you know it is the right thing to do? Are you staying because you are obligated? While doing what is right is admirable, a stand void of love can easily result in development of bitterness, resentment or disdain for your spouse. The foundation of your stand must be love. Remember love=God. So the more you seek to know and understand the concept of agape’ love, the more compassion and grace you will be able to show your spouse in this season.
Statement of Faith
Love and grace are greater than obligation, so Lord as I stand for my marriage, I trust You to teach me how to love like You. Rise up in me Holy Spirit and shine Your light of love and grace through me to my spouse. Use me Lord to bring life to the darkness in their life. I will follow Your lead Lord. Continue to guide me on this journey.
9. Death Of Self Is Required, Not Death Of Identity
When totally submitting to God during the process of standing, many confuse the concept of “losing yourself” with “losing identity”. Losing yourself in the biblical sense means losing defensiveness, pride, unforgiveness, hate, resentment and other characteristics that are contrary to the definition of love and nature of God. Unfortunately, many people instead lose their confidence, self-worth, health, wholeness and purpose.
“All of Me”
Instead of praying and asking God to remove all of who you are so you can do what He desires, ask Him to take away what isn’t like Him. Ask Him to teach you how to walk in your intended life purpose and with confidence in Him. When you seek God in this way during your stand, you are empowered by God and His purpose for your life, instead of walking around feeling defeated because you feel you cannot measure up to His requirements.
Statement of Faith
Lord as You provide the fire I will provide the sacrifice. I give You all of me so that I can be pruned to perfection. No matter the heat I feel, I will praise and worship You through it. No matter the pain I feel, I will seek You to learn from it. Bring out the best in me Lord; expose and heal the worst. Transform me from the inside out to look more like You.
Remember that what you think and perceive to be true will either empower you or discourage you. The things that you believe will either increase your faith or fuel your doubt. What you dwell on will either strengthen you or weaken you. The decisions you choose in regards to your marriage will either change you for the better or change you for the worse. There is a quote that says it like this:
“Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.” –Lao Tzu”
As you consider standing for your marriage, remember your perception will be your reality and ultimately the substance of your life. If you are going to stand, seek God and stand in His ways because God is our ultimate source of strength, love and fulfillment. Without Him and His power within us, we can do nothing.
What About You?
What truths are you holding on to as you stand for your marriage? Share them with me in the comment section below. I would love to hear from you. If you need more personalized support while standing for your marriage, check out this marriage changing resource: Motivated To Love. With this resource, you will have access to a private Facebook group of motivated spouses just like you who are standing for their marriages. We have calls every Thursday where you can ask questions, get strategic advice for your stand and be encouraged to stand with confidence, consistency and love.
Also, I invite you to join our Mastering Marriage 7 Day Email Prayer Challenge by subscribing below. By doing so, you will have access to our email list where you will receive 7 specific prayers for you to pray over your marriage over the next 7 days plus tons of free resources and tools just like this article that can help enhance your marriage.